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Dealing with Past Pains

We all think about our past, present and future constantly. We “live” in the present in our more hedonistic moments, we live in the future when we are studying diligently for a college exam, and we live in the past when we think about impactful moments in our lives. Sometimes past events are so powerful they dictate our present and interfere with our future. As if they are open wounds which may be prodded with the littlest prick.

No Regrets

We must all remember that we can’t change the past. The past has happened and it has marked itself on our life. We lived it and it is now a part of us whether we like it or not. Once this is realized we can do everything in our power to convince ourselves to cope with any pain that exists. We must convince ourselves that we live with no regrets. Let’s figure out how.

Fickle Memory

You can’t change the past, but we can alter the way we remember it. We already do this subconsciously. When we think about the good ole days we tend to pick out and think about the times we enjoyed and completely blank out the negative moments. After a break up, depending on the circumstances, we tend to remember only the good or the bad moments.


If we are already doing it subconsciously, well let’s practice doing it consciously. We must become PR professionals and political spin artists. These professionals are good at exactly one thing and that is to find the positive from any story imaginable. No matter how bad the story people can find something positive. For example, many tragic experiences can also be a tremendous growing and maturing experiences. If we subconsciously can avoid the negative effects of an experience by focusing on the “good ole times” then we can consciously do the same thing with any memory. Latch on to the positive, spin with extreme focus and let it become empowering.

Forgiving Ourselves

All this is moot if we can’t forgive ourselves. In business it was once believe that self confidence was the most important characteristic for success, but it is not. It is the ability to forgive ourselves. With every failure there is the shame and pain of past experiences, and only when we can forgive ourselves and understand that perfection does not exist, it ‘s then that we can shape our recollection and embrace the learning experience of every bad memory.

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